Fathers and Daughters

Fathers and Daughters

Ray Rhodes, Jr.

I have been blessed with five daughters! Therefore I should know something about girls. Well…there is only so much that one can know about girls. They are mysterious creatures that are impossible to figure out. Therein is one of the reasons that they are so intriguing.

The best thing for any daddy (or husband) to do when it comes to girls is to focus on what Scripture says. The Bible is the only reliable source to understand who women are, what women are to aim for, and what women are to do.

I am not qualified to write about girls simply because I have five daughters. Sure… I have observed a few things. I have figured out that it is just not right for a girl to wear the same dress twice to a once a year formal event. It does not matter if the dress is still new-like. I observe such things but I do not really understand. What I do need to know in order to speak on the subject of fathers and daughters is that God has spoken and His Word is clear.

There are, therefore, some things that I understand. I understand God’s aim for girlhood/womanhood. I am seeking to discern from Scripture how to help my daughters get from one point to the next in the pursuit of God’s objective for women. I am, therefore, better off focusing on Scripture than trying to figure out dresses and Jane Austen (though the wise dad will seek to have some knowledge of his daughter’s interest).

These things I know are true:

My daughters are a blessing. I have always wanted a son. I wouldn’t mind if someone were to drop a good one off here at my doorstep. Though a son or two or three would be nice—I am so thankful to have girls. I really don’t understand why a thoughtful Christian would not want to have children—lots of them. Oh, I know that we live in a dangerous world and that children are expensive (though they do make neat tax deductions). That being so—I love having daughters and don’t mind feeding, clothing, and housing them. It’s a great investment with potential long-term benefits (I get to move in with them when I am old—rent free—yes we do believe that children should care for their parents when they are old). Few things are more enjoyable to me that spending time with my girls, listening to them laugh, watching them play, observing their mannerisms and fielding their questions

My daughters require visionary leadership. It is my responsibility to “…bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” To do that I need to have a biblical vision of what God’s design is for women. My ultimate goal is that my daughters would know God (Psalm 78:7). With that foundational goal in view I am to labor to help my children fulfill other temporal objectives. Those objectives include; godly marriage and childrearing. I am seeking to prepare my daughters to get married, have children and to manage a home. These are good and desirable things regardless of what so many in our culture think.

The New York Times recently reported that 51% of women are now living without a spouse which is up from 35% in 1950. A variety of reasons are stated including a greater desire for independence. Here is one of the results of the feminist agenda that has little regard for men in general and for marriage specifically. However, it is not the feminist that is only to blame for the decline in marriage. The greater problem may be that so many professing Christians seem to have little regard for marriage and children.

The Biblical vision is countercultural and embraces family life—not as an end in itself but as a means to glorify God. The vision for girls is centered on establishing a refuge (called a home) in the midst of a world of chaos. Home life is not a perpetual state of cooking and cleaning (though both are God-glorifying, good and essential in a well-ordered home). The home is a place where relationships are cultivated, Christ is worshipped, hospitality is extended, compassion is illustrated and a variety of industries are inspired. It is a place where multi-generational faithfulness roots and flourishes from the cradle to the grave.

Fathering daughters involves beautiful dresses, hair filled brushes, bathrooms packed to capacity and pony tails flopping in the wind. Fatherhood means going to bed with your wife only to wake up with one or two little girls in the bed with you. Recently I was snuggling with one of my daughters and it dawned upon me how precious such moments really are. Yes—I get a bit nostalgic and even sad as they grow up (especially now that I have a daughter graduating from school). Yet I am hopeful that there are five godly guys in the future of our family (you know--husbands for my daughters). Increasingly I am becoming an optimist. I embrace the hope and blessing of the Psalmist who declared “…may you see your children’s children.” He is praying for grandchildren! That is exciting and visionary. Proverbs 17:6 says, "Grandchildren are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their fathers."

As I look into the eyes of my daughters I see a future that I am impacting today. I also see reflected in them the beauty of godly womanhood exemplified in their mother and my wife.

My daughers are blessed with a godly mother and I am blessed with a beautiful wife (who looks like my daughter). As Mother's Day approaches I pray that my girls would grow up to be like their mother.

Ray Rhodes, Jr. is President of Nourished in the Word Ministries and Pastor of Grace Community Church